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November 24, 2008

inconsistencies

especially after I got here

changed
all previous food to some other food
and all fluid to fresh fruit juices

yes, from the garden, apples, apple juices;
but they are gone now,
so I buy "fresh" pure apple juice,
pure wildberry juice

I still eat today,
what I did not eat yesterday
and what I will not eat tomorrow

every day is different,
nothing repeats,
different words, different food


a few times I bought some bread, not much
I kept busy
was not in a bread making mood


In other words, my body is not stuck with same food habits

only variety,
every day different vegetables, fruits, peas, beans etc

rice competes with potato
both go good with figs, raisins, dates

all very unconventional

nothing from cans
nothing frozen, even so there are nice colored vegetables
to be had at the store


there are more people waiting in the pharmacy section
than inspecting eyes in the vegetable section

this is not a university town
and none nearby

I'm the only one walking

was never in a restaurant in this province
the last real restaurant I was in: in Europe in 2001

a few frosts ago

I still picked a dozen plus
fresh spinach leaves from the garden

the spinach that I seeded very early in spring
I let flower, then saw it go to seed,
same with the corn salad

next I took a bag sheep manure, covered the works
and over seeded with red clover
and a border with tall growing sweet clover
to block off the bed from wind

so the new fresh spinach came up from below the new green clover

in other words, I did not disturb the soil one bit,
the new clover is doing fine, comes back to life during the sunshine
and until last week I promised to water it with warm water once a week:
as long as the ground is NOT frozen, the roots keep on growing
and there is no snow cover yet

this way, I hope, the undisturbed soil
with this year's roots in it
warms up earlier in spring,

the green clover collects the sunshine
and my nearly sweet spinach is in good company

November 23, 2008

why why why

"Why do I not call up this image of gentle sweetness,
and place it as a perpetual barrier between mischance and me? -

It is because pleasure asks a greater effort of the mind to support it than pain;
and we turn after a little idle dalliance from what we love to what we hate!"


"The pleasure of hating, like a poisonous mineral, eats into the heart of religion, and turns it to rankling spleen and bigotry; it makes patriotism an excuse for carrying fire, pestilence, and famine into other lands: it leaves to virtue nothing but the spirit of censoriousness, and a narrow, jealous, inquisitorial watchfulness over the actions and motives of others. What have the different sects, creeds, doctrines in religion been but so many pretexts set up for men to wrangle, to quarrel, to tear one another in pieces about , like a target as a mark to shoot at?"


"If mankind had wished for what is right, they might have had it long ago. The theory is plain enough; but they are prone to mischief, “to every good work reprobate.” I have seen all that had been done by the mighty yearnings of the spirit and intellect of men, “of whom the world was not worthy,” and that promised a proud opening to truth and good through the vista of future years, undone by one man, with just glimmering of understanding enough to feel that he was a king, but not to comprehend how he could be king of a free people! I have seen this triumph celebrated by poets, the friends of my youth and the friends of men, but who were carried away by the infuriate tide that, setting in from a throne, bore down every distinction of right reason before it; and I have seen all those who did not join in applauding this insult and outrage on humanity proscribed, hunted down (they and their friends made a byword of), so that it has become an understood thing that no one can live by his talents or knowledge who is not ready to prostitute those talents and that knowledge to betray his species, and prey upon his fellow- man. “This was some time a mystery: but the time gives evidence of it.” "

"...that arch-reformer, that heroic deliverer, that mouther about liberty, and tool of power, stands gaping by, not feeling the blight and mildew coming over it, nor its very bones crack and turn to a paste under the grasp and circling folds of this new monster, Legitimacy! In private life do we not see hypocrisy, servility, selfishness, folly, and impudence succeed, while modesty shrinks from the encounter, and merit is trodden under foot? How often is “the rose plucked from the forehead of a virtuous love to plant a blister there!” What chance is there of the success of real passion? What certainty of its continuance? Seeing all this as I do, and unravelling the web of human life into its various threads of meanness, spite, cowardice, want of feeling, and want of understanding, of indifference towards others, and ignorance of ourselves, - seeing custom prevail over all excellence, itself giving way to infamy - mistaken as I have been in my public and private hopes, calculating others from myself, and calculating wrong; always disappointed where I placed most reliance; the dupe of friendship, and the fool of love; - have I not reason to hate and to despise myself? Indeed I do; and chiefly for not having hated and despised the world enough."


from "On the pleasure of hating"
--- William Hazlitt (10 April 1778 – 18 September 1830)

rules lure

while,
if and when
you're smiling,

yes,
there's a prohibitive code:
"you're smiling too much"


that "puts down" nature,
destroys boys:


rules
rule over men,

lures
power's words
against them

one day last century

the boy wore blue jeans

fresh stuff from America
then with my long hair shorn off

and Elvis was new too

my friends sang with me:

"Oh Mister blue"
while my blue jeans shrank

I outgrew
grew bigger...

yet another language
was now my home

...while you're smiling

from within nature's never ending spring


plenty plenty of antagonists
weaving and weaving
their discursive nets

about the pursuit of happiness

I learned about as a school boy

and
as a boy I saw my father's large murals
of American landscapes and monuments

a sort of home-made history
on canvas,
on walls,
and later in my mind's eye

and then
one day

when I went to an American university
"they" asked me "why I want to study" there, in America

I wrote down exactly what the boy in me saw and thought
and school-bookishly
had learned...


And then
what I never forgot:

an advice given
at that university:
"You should play the game!"

was to the boy in me
such stupidity coming from an academic

an advice that was of course
never congruent
with my very very own pursuit of happiness

And in that spirit
I stood later before my students:
always in pursuit of our mutual happiness


- life is much too short,
too enframed in zoo-like, moral enclaves
always only constraining definitions

- life much too often short-changed by miserableness

- so much so that
a mutual pursuit of happiness
goes beyond:

- all programmatical and affiliated forms of "kindness"

- all opportunistic lexica of proclaimed,
compliantly advertised "sincerity"


funny

how marriage laws
constructed Europe's lands and power elites
via papal dictate

long
long before
America was discovered

and

to make things worse,

America "converted"
into
a separation of church and state,

and still much worse,
transformed

into
a break-way un-normality:
a 'democracy'

that
included an elusive right
to the pursuit of happiness

as if
to combat
the 'certainties' of Heaven and Hell

whose authors
never ever
were able

from
the beginning

to abstain

from
a disguised

and
sometimes
not so masked
spirit
of contradiction


it is not funny
that America does barely learn history
yet continues to suffer
pre-America
and "because of America"
antagonisms

November 22, 2008

tomorrow's context

collides with yesterday's content
and
colludes with today's meaning


lest I forget

I've returned to silence...
to exploit my right to liberty
to withdraw into myself... unencumbered

this wordless adventure
free from falseness and people productions
this sort of preschool life and its beyond
when an ugly force of words tried to occupy me

so, beauty may be relative
but no eye has yet been improved
with a regimen of words

welcome to nature's
wordlessness !

the longer one

lives and thinks

the more
the first twenty-five years
of learning
of experience
can be discarded

the second twenty-five years
can be totally disregarded
because now everybody around you is smarter
or are the smartest you'll ever meet

the third twenty-five years
make a return to some sort of infantilism possible,
its sleep destroyed by war

because now you can overlook the landscape
and appreciate that your garden was planted
with real flowers
with real eatable vegetables
with real -albeit left-over
bird song

while humanity keeps on preaching and hating
and warring and marching
to where?

three genders

that naturally live in some foreign languages
are not appreciated
by a two gendered culture
that boasts from
within a two gender language

in some areas
teaching such three gender grammar
would subvert the local 'moral economy'


moral.normal

when food was

rationed like coals, electricity and water

and oranges and bananas
were words in books

and all coins and paper money
deflated to worthlessness

we as boys read books,
saw history not as written texts

but saw refugees making their way through streets
and beyond streets

knocking at our door for food
where there was no food

the lone rationed slice of bread
was already eaten


the deer are back

from the surrounding fields

and stare at me
like locals

speechless faces
staring staring
at me


this place is so small
that many a good word will never arrive here,
a revolution of kindness forever foreclosed

can't define a culture here
only a local color eroticised

thus in cattle country all cows are look alikes
pre-sexed by dictate which is not nature's

thus all language, imported sentiment
only to be outsmarted
by local fantasies
torturers of dreams

deer thus move like humans
as already pre-sexed things

choicelessly coerced
only to perform complicities

repeating circular rhymes
acting hysterics


four month more

and spring is here

still got my clover under row cover:
the other day I watered it with warm water

sunshine here, the most sunniest part of the country
but night-time freezing temperatures

yet I sit out in the sun everyday
have my lunch under blue sky